7 Months

Today it's already 7months anniversary with her.. Sometimes I feel, does her suit me? Everytimes I walk with her when they're peoples around.. I would try to think?
Did they laughing at me or should I get a better or a prettier want?
She's not ugly, she's quite pretty.. But I couldnt satisfy it..
I'm keep thinking could it able to get a better one if I leave her?
But I don't wish to lose her.. She already became my part of my life..
Everyday we meet each other from the start till now.. If I lose her? How would i feel?
"cut out part of my body to throw"? I don think I will feel nice if i did that..
I'm still really very love her.. But i keep wan for better want.. I cant stop my greedyness...
This is my longest relationship.. I'm trying to make it last.. Last till the end..
But my greedyness keep forcing me to leave.. to betray.. to go...
I could'nt feel anything now if I lose her..
Probably will totally gone of my life.. Regret? Sad?
Or Maybe getting better like relieved myself?

Everytimes I'm thinking if she betray me first, then I got the chances to leave.. to give reason..
But I don't think she will.. She's too love me and I'm too...
But my friend around me always said that when I'm gonna break?
I dont feel like doing it but really cant stop my satisfaction need..

Therefore on End of December, she's going to the National Services for 3months..
I'm trying to think for finding a New wan on that duration..
Is I'm Bad? I agree too!! I cannt really stop it to think bout it!!
Or Maybe can able make feel how if she's not around me...
Isn't that i need her that mucchhhhh.......

Some chinese idioms said "Needle didn't cuts you on your skin , then you wouldnt feel the pain".
It's means that if dint breeaaakk then I wouldn't feel the painfulness, sadness..
I dont wan to feel that.. But I keep wan a New Wan!!!

What a Life!!
It's so stressful!
But I'm trying not to do that..